How to turn defeat into power!

Do you belong to those who easily get into the feeling of defeat? Maybe you don’t get the attention you want, or you don’t get the connection you are longing for? 

Maybe you recognize the feeling of not being able to clearly communicate what’s truly important to you, speaking about the arising fears growing inside your mind? 

Because of the unknown fear of being out of control, feeling judged and rejected, you rather close down and hide. As a fact, instead of speaking your true feelings about what’s really going on in your mind, you try to find strategies to hide, playing games, and wearing masks that further distance you from connecting with those you love. In the deepest core, you struggle with the idea of being and feeling vulnerable. In fact you may even wonder why the word of vulnerability is needed… it just sounds negative to you. 

You may recognize these feelings of defeat in various situations. The feelings of defeat may show up in your relationships, in your business and/or career. You feel that you don’t get what you want. You feel that you are closing yourself down. You feel that you are not using the fullness of your true power. You feel that others are chosen before you. If you do business, you may struggle with sales. 

As you see the feelings of defeat may take many different forms in your life, ultimately they show up in your intimate relationships. But since many women and men in our western society prefer independence before connection, we never get to the core issue of understanding this problem. I was exactly such a person.

Disconnection from ourselves creates not only the lack of well-being, happiness, and a thriving life, it’s also a root cause to understand the dilemmas behind our social problems!

This was exactly the woman I used to be before I started a practice of Orgasmic Meditation, more than 10 years ago. If you never heard of this before I can say it’s a partnered practice that takes you into connection instead of meditating in solitude. Before learning this, I didn’t know about my voluntary and happy choice to be disconnected. I didn’t feel or even understand that I was suffering from disconnection… I had some dear close friends and a family… 

I didn’t know how I was unconsciously choosing disconnection and that it had created a suffering in my life. A suffering that I wasn’t even aware of at the time and less likely to be able to communicate about. At that time I was happily driven by pain without even knowing that there is an opening for a new paradigm/world-view – I call it the Paradigm of Pleasure. 

Before I started an Orgasmic Meditation practice it was pain that was pushing me forward in new directions in life. It functioned as the catalyst for my power. I pushed myself hard to be able to create the life as I wanted. 

More than 20 years ago when I took my PhD in Sociology, I was standing and writing due to my back problems, I wanted to be able to complete in time even though I had a terrible problem to sleep at the night, because of the pain. I solved the problem by making a purchase of a Hästens bed. I don’t remember that I ever went to see a doctor or had the idea of taking care of myself. Instead I pushed myself through completing my dissertation in time. It created a back pain that continued for many years and propelled my personal development further through learning yoga. 

15 years ago I started my coaching business, I pushed myself in the paradigm of pain: working hard, isolating myself so I could work even more hard, hiding behind my computer. It felt good since I got a lot of creative works done: websites, landing pages, programs…etc. It was just one problem, the more I worked the less clients I got. 

What once made me start my business – to contribute to a changing world by coaching leaders finding their true powerful self – was suddenly transformed and obsessed with the idea of succeeding with an online business. Somewhere along the way I lost myself… 

Yes, I was a powerful woman. So powerful, that other coaches and teachers that I was learning from told me to reduce my masculine energy in favor of feminine energy. That would be more attractive to men, many teachers say. Maybe this is the solution to why independent self-sufficient women don’t find a man? A man that can hold them in their full power? Or are they too choosy? 

I learned to explore the feminine essence and core, being able to play that game… and actually in some relationships it felt like a game, since I had to be conscious about my behavior in order to please men… it wasn’t really the full power of me. It was a game to learn how to submit. But it’s not who I am. I was wondering, is this really the solution to the problem why conscious women can’t find a man?

To make a long story short, first I have to say that this is a very vulnerable post. I could never have been able to write this post without having the last weeks of experience meeting Chris who escaped the terror of shut down in the US for coming to Sweden. 

We connected through our common practice of Orgasmic Meditation. Without even knowing each other more than that we are practitioners in Orgasmic Meditation, that in itself had created the base for our relationship. What we share is the experience the practice of Orgasmic Meditation has given us, one of the most important one is the power of direct and honest communication.  

Now when I say communication you may think it’s something you have already mastered. There is something powerful that happens within the field of conscious sexuality, it just takes your communication to a whole new level since you are able first of all feel your feelings and secondly speak about your feelings. Talking about your feelings becomes the norm compared to what ordinary conversations would be happy to exclude – to get into the emotional field – is a scary business.  

I first met Chris when I picked him up in Stockholm for taking him to Malmö. It took us some days before we actually got the possibility to set up our nest and do our first Orgasmic Meditation together…. and it felt like coming home again. Both of us had been out of practice for a longer time and there was a mutual desire to do Orgasmic Meditation. 

People often asks me – what’s in this practice of Orgasmic Meditation? Why is it such a turn-on? It seems to be a practice that only benefits women, what’s really in it for the men? The questions are many. 

In the end of May, I did a VIP weekend with a couple who wanted to learned the practice of Orgasmic Meditation. They have been married for more than 25 years and now they wanted to take their life in a new direction. They realized that if we are not doing anything they will continue living their life as friends, instead of having a thriving sex life. They wanted to create a change, getting out of the ”living together accommodation” (no passion) and take their marriage to a place they never experienced. A life where desires is expressed, where pleasure is explored and where the connection gets deeper. 

This couple is the true courageous ones. They know what they want, they go for what they want… Moreover, they are willing to expose themselves in their vulnerability to get the wisdom from my teaching. After many tries with therapists, sexologists and others they finally contacted me. 

On the day the program completed, I was sitting with tears in my eyes, being a humble witness of their transformed connection. My heart and emotions was filled with the yearning for having a man in my life that wants to do Orgasmic Meditation. A month later Chris showed up in Sweden, and we both now enjoy a regular OM practice – and both feel benefits that flow from it. This speaks about the power of manifesting.  

I’m writing this post to show you what’s possible on many different layers when you are able to know what you want and speak to what you want. The few days of practice we had so far have been mind-blowing. It helps me realize and clearly see and acknowledge the defeats I have experienced in my life. Defeats that led to programs in my mind and impacted confusion and lack of clarity. They are now out from the shadow; I can see them and talk about them. Finally, I’m willing to be seen in all this vulnerability. You see I was the kind of person that on the outside looked very successful but deep inside I felt this void, simply because I couldn’t get what I truly wanted – a man that wanted to do Orgasmic Meditation. 

Now I’m sitting here with this feeling of being filled up. Fueled by sexual energy everything is possible. It’s the driving force in our lives. It’s the link to understanding the power of your leadership, but moreover it’s the link to creating money. That’s why I think orgasm is a practice that all conscious business owners would like to learn about. Not just for pleasure without shame, but for the business success that flows from new found energy and clarity in your life. Sexual energy is life, we can harness it. If we dare. 

Now this is for you who got inspired and want to learn more about what’s truly possible for you within the Paradigm of Pleasure, learning about how to truly connect and create intimacy with your partner on a deep soulful level. For a further conversation about how I can help you, let’s connect.