Struggle and irritation in partnership
Do you ever struggle with communication in your relationship? Does your partner feel irritating painful? Then this post is for you.
Being a self-sufficient woman who is taking pride in her independence, it can actually be and feel like a struggle choosing to not only be in a relationship – but also to continue staying in relationship. Every day I learn that when we are practicing Conscious Love, we have to choose again – and learn what it means to stay open in love.
You see it can be so easy to follow old patterns of behavior and withdraw from the person you love. It’s much easier to close the door and escape, acting out your avoidance behavior, than choosing to stay committed in love.
In relationship coaching with me, women learn that this is expressions of the phenomenon I call, the ”Dirty Strawberry”. If you are like me, you love to eat strawberries, but might prefer them cleaned and rinsed from the green stalk leaves. You might even think that they are more enjoyable with sugar and whipped cream. The old strawberry, the one with default and the one that I had some dirt on, is cleaned out from your delicious meal. In the same way you might see relationships.
You want the perfect man who has all the requirements on your list… and if not everything is a match you might even be reluctant to give him a chance.
In the same way relationships goes through different phases that may be more or less challenging. Then in some way they become a test for your willingness to personal growth…. This becomes in particular true when you signed up for something bigger than an ordinary relationship.
When you choose a partner from your higher self, you will call out each other on your respective past traumas. This is the most crucial phase you enters since you will be in denial and repulsion. Since you are going through your own identity crises where you handle your core wounds – it can feels like you are dying. You want to shut down and avoid the whole situation. If you would listen to your friends they would say RUN and there is this part of you that truly want to escape the relationships.
This might also be the reason why most couples find out that it doesn’t work between them. It can be a result of their unwillingness to break through this phase in the relationship.
In situations like this it’s very easy to take advice from those who are in question of the relationship… simply because they are living in the paradigm of the ”Dirty Strawberry” that everything has to be perfect! Maybe the dirt you seek to expunge is in fact a very important part of your relationship. Maybe the dirt isn’t the problem, but your ’relationship’ to the dirt. Rethink and maybe the dirt might be a big part of the value, not something to discard.
The truth is, relationships just like the orgasm goes up and down. Most people are unwilling to see that since they are driven towards orgasm as climax. In the goal-oriented approach they are missing out the sensations of ups and downs. This is the reason why I’m so passionate to teach couples the practice of Orgasmic Meditation since it’s give them a mirror and feedback of their own relationship life.