When you longing for freedom and independence instead of engaging in love…
I find this over and again with women and also with men. You are working hard, building your business or achieving something in your successful career.
You have the ambition to stay out of commitment because in the bottom end you think you don’t want to be in a relationship…. Instead, you take pleasure in having a great relationship with yourself, your business…. or you might have a job where you dedicate all your focus and energy…
You take pleasure in socializing with great friends, lovers or others that give you that great feeling. You spend time on things that make you feel fulfilled.
Working to reach your goals.
Interacting with others on Facebook.
Watching Youtube videos where you learn new things.
You might even meditate, do your daily journaling, spending time in the gym/yoga/aerobic classes, reading self-help books etc… The list could be longer how you can keep your mind busy from connecting with that deep feeling within….
It was such a long time when you were in a loving relationship that you in fact have forgotten how it feels…. To be loved. And since that feeling is a painful reminder that love easily might come and go and that you like most other people have had the experience of how it feels to be hurt in love… you unconsciously choose to disconnect.
You know how it feels to be hurt in love. Therefore you are not willing to take the risk again… Instead you focus on appreciating your independent and self-sufficient lifestyle. Indeed in such a situation, it’s very difficult to stay open to love and let love in.
You don’t even think that you need to have love in your life… A Swedish study made by an insurance company for animals came to the conclusion that women rather cuddle with their cat on their sofa instead of having a man…
You might have lovers or a person you are seeing on and off… Since you love yourself and treasure your freedom they can’t become a threat to your life. You make sure that you keep your distance….. It’s fun to do certain things together, but not too close.
Maybe….without even knowing it, you are playing the game of self-deception?
How do I know? Because I’ve been there myself. I used to have exactly this attitude. It kept me out of intimacy and connection…. That intimacy and connection we all long for deep inside of us, it’s just that it’s very few women and men in this culture that are willing to acknowledge that simple fact…
That we do need each other. The next growth happens in relationship, meaning living and being with another person where you can grow in a relationship.
For more than 20 years, I was in my bubble of self-growth and personal development… reading books, meditating in my solitude, watching enlightening YouTube videos….
At the time, that this was my enjoyment… playing with friends, instead of playing with relationships. I didn’t have that other person that I could spend my time with… cuddling, touching, playing, and growing in connection with.
You see we can only grow to a certain extent by ourselves. The next growth happens in a relationship – we all know that. But since we all more or least have fears of letting that unique relationship in that can challenge us, trigger us, making us angry so we reach the next level… it’s much easier to play safe and keep the door closed.
If your reading this post so far…. please, please don’t waste your time in solitude under the argument that you prefer your freedom. This is just an excuse to playing safe instead of being willing to take a risk… the risk it means that you once again will feel that pain of being hurt in love….
But you know what, all relationships will sooner or later end…. And the divorce statistics depict clearly – it’s a romantic idea that you will live a happy life long after….
Ultimately all relationships end one day. Instead of anticipating this before a relationship even has started, choose to take a risk, following your heart, and indulge yourself in the joy of living here and now in the present moment instead of being worried about the future.
With relationships, we expand and grow and there might be one day where there is a legitimate reason to finalize and say – thank you for everything I’ve learned, it’s time to move on in my life without you. But in order to be able to say that clearly, you have to have been very clear on your YES to the relationship.
Most couples are not willing to lean fully in exploring the polarity of the relationship. We live in a culture where women are disconnected from their feelings and men are disconnected from their capacity to be able to hold the space for those feelings. It’s an emotional mismatch that is unarticulated…
That’s the reason why relationship is something we improve during our whole life. We can become better at articulating our needs and desires. We can become better to communicate in a winning way of what we want… but it takes skills to learn.
Knowing how to create a great relationship is a form of ART.
Now if you are ready to take yourself to the next level learning about the 8 secrets to relationships success, experience where you sell out yourself and transform your pattern with relationship… and discover how all this is related to money… Then join this workshop.